I tell myself , that I'm not a bad person to justify what I've done to people , to myself , to emotions , to love. I tell myself I'm hurting other people because I'm hurting inside. but the crispy voice in my head , the one that makes things complicated , tells me it's not excuse for my irrational behaviour.
When did it happen ? When did you stop believing in one thing humans get happiness out of ? That word Love , which no longer means anything to you.
It's all duty , you tell yourself. It's all experience and duty. You isolate yourself , cutting people out of your life every second. you think alone you can survive the pain , the hollowness.
You put walls up to see who cared enough to work their way through them. When no one did so , you were broken , but hadn't you always known ? You're not destined for love , not made for it ; you're made for greater things you tell yourself. But then that voice, it spits in your face of how love gives value to everything and even if you have everything and not love how you have nothing. But you're becoming good at shunning the voice away , but It bothers you. Bothers you how you've not felt the warmth of a body next to yours in the last memorable years of your life. It bothers you knowing that change won't come soon to your situation - if it will ever come that is.

Random Rambling you know , not like people read my shit , but if you happen to be breaking the norm, thanks and sorry.

Some things I aspire to do someday, in retrospect it's too late for some of them.

1.) TRY to get into Harvard !!
2.) Learn how to play the piano
3.) Learn Ballet I wish
4.) Get a Shitzu Bichon :)
5.) Go on a World Tour, Specially Britain and Paris <3
6.) Be successful ! and rich and famous
7.) Make a difference in someone's life.
8.) Maybe continue learning my German sometime.
9.) Try to be a better, less selfish and materialist person than I am.
10.) Forget him Find someone special, and make his life awesome.

What are some things you've always wanted to do? And if so, did you do it?